Today was pretty much a train wreck

Today was one of those days...this may get long.

We'll preface by saying Emily didn't get a nap yesterday and was up late.

We wake up in a pretty good mood, but have been having problems with meal time. I'm tired of her being a little wanderer when we eat so I've been putting my foot down and making her sit and eat her entire meal in one sitting. If she doesn't want to eat then fine, but she has to sit at the table until the rest of us are finshed eating. My hope is that eventually she'll realize that she has to sit there so she may as well eat with the rest of us. On top of this she's all of a sudden realized that the refrigerator and cupboards are full of food and thinks that she should get to choose what she eats at every meal. Uh no. Besides all she wants to eat are twinkies and popcicles.

So this morning is no different. We get down to the table and I'm feeding the babies and put a bowl of cottage cheese on the table for her. She likes cottage cheese, but evidently not today. First she freaks out on me for only giving her dog (who was sitting in a chair at the table) an empty cup of water when she asked for water for them both. I explain that doggie gets pretend water becasue I know she will just dump it out eventually. She proceeds to hit Spencer on the head with her empty doggie cup. Time out. After time out she walks over to the table, says she doesn't want cottage cheese and dumps her bowl on the floor. Another time out. Finally after getting the babies to bed and the house calm again she asks for a smoothie and I make her one.

The rest of the morning goes okay thanks to sesame street.

After the babies nap we are going to the library. I take her to the bathroom before we leave and she doesn't go. I tell her she will have to go to the bathroom at the library. We get to the library and go straight to the bathroom. Total refusal. I can't get her to even bend her body to sit on the toilet. She just wants to play and look at books. I tell her that if she needs to go potty she needs to tell me. If she goes potty in her pants we will have to go home. I swear not 5 minutes later she pees her pants. I grab our books and head for the check-out with her screaming in the stroller that she doesn't want to leave. Heck, I don't want to leave either, but what do I do at that point? She has to learn right? She pretty much threw the biggest tantrum of her life there in the check out line as I try to force her back into the stroller and get her buckeled so she can'g jump out. This is when the librarian walks over and basically asks us to leave. She holds my books for me while we go outside and get calmed down. I swear the librarian acted like we were the first to ever scream in the library. Whatever.

We get semi calm, go back in and get our books. When she realizes that we aren't staying she starts to lose it again. We head out to the car. She doesn't want to stay in the car and keeps trying to jump out as I buckle the babies. I took off her shoes so she'll stay in because the ground is hot. She asks for gum that she sees in the front seat. I tell her if she stops crying and gets herself buckeled she can have a piece of gum. Doesn't happen. I eventually have to force her into her seat and strap her down. Now I have her screaming in the backseat all the way home because she doesn't have gum.

We get home and I'm getting lunch together. Great, meal time again! She doesn't want what she's served, but finally does what I've asked her to do and says "no thank you mom." I offer her a small cup of juice and she gets mad it's not a different kind and she dumps it on the table. Time out again. She then decides she wants more juice. I tell her she dumped herrs and doesn't get anymore. Eventually she calms and eats lunch and asks if she can have a sip of mine. I share a small amount. She's happy again and asks for a popcicle which I give her because she ate all of her lunch. She stays in a good mood and shares her popcicle with the babies. Finally a little bit of my nice girl emerges.

Anyway, I lost it and cried half way home from the library and after we got home when I called to tell Josh how the day had gone. It's just such a horrible feeling to be a parent trying to do what's right by disciplining your kid and seeing them in such sad despair. Sometimes it just sucks having to be mean to do what's right. I've done it in the past and will do it again, but today it seemed harder for some reason. I guess I'm just tired and hormonal. When I got in line for the cute pink baby this is not what I bargained for. It's so much easier to know how to discipline than it is to actually execute it!

I wouldn't change my life, but if I could somehow erase today from my memory I'd seriously consider it.


****Added later****
So Josh gets home from work this afternoon and gets Emily out of bed after her nap. This is what she tells him...
"I went peepee in the library today, mommy took me out of the library and I didn't get gum."

Sometimes in the moment I wonder if she really understands what is going on. Nice to know she learned something today.